We should all be ashamed — kinks and fetishes may arouse us but should not be discussed with others or (even worse) acted upon. Isn’t this what we’ve always been taught?
Kinks have long been seen as deviations, weird sexual desires that we should keep secret and possibly forget about altogether.
And yet research suggests that embracing your kinky side can have great benefits ranging from improved physical and mental health to new soft skills and an extra gear in your professional life.
Keep reading to find more information on the advantages of kinky sex and exploring your sexuality.
What Does It Mean to Be Kinky Sexually?
Let’s first get this out of the way. Many who are not familiar with the term associate kinky sex with BDSM practices. Sure, BDMS is kinky, but kinky sex covers much more than that.
Basically, anything that is not vanilla, heteronormative sex can be considered kinky.
Some sexual partners like to dress up or pretend to be someone else when they get it on — that’s kinky. Others may enjoy outdoor sex, threesomes, the reverse cowgirl, or being blindfolded. These are all kinky examples.
Health Benefits of Kinky Sex
Kinky sex has been found to have several positive effects on the physical as well as mental health of those who practice it, who reap benefits similar to those of meditation and exercise. Let’s look at them in detail.
1. Reduced stress levels A 2009 paper reported the findings of a study where participants engaged in sadomasochistic kinks such as spanking, flogging, handcuffs, chains, etc. The results confirmed what many in the BDSM community already know — kinky sex reduces stress. In particular, levels of cortisol (the so-called ‘stress hormone’) decreased consistently across the groups during playtime. Meanwhile, feel-good and confidence hormones were recorded. Lead researcher Dr. Brad Sagarine writes that kink practitioners enter a state of ‘mindful attention’ that can be compared to the intense focus entered by athletes. The health benefits of keeping stress in check are well known and go from a lower risk of cardiovascular disease to reduced inflammation and fewer asthma attacks. Don’t get us wrong: all consensual and pleasurable sex is good for stress management. However, research suggests that kinky practices have a stronger effect.
2. Improved mental health Mindfulness and the ability to focus on the moment have been linked to reduced symptoms in anxious individuals. The state of mindful attention described by Dr. Sagarine in the study, therefore, can help people find relief from anxiety. Another study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2013 debunked the myth that BDSM practice is linked to sexual trauma. People in the kinky community have experienced trauma in the same percentages as those who prefer vanilla sex — while they seem to be getting much more out of their current sexual life. Researchers found that BDSM aficionados show to be, compared to vanilla-sex couples:' - More extroverted and open to new experiences - Less rejection-sensitive - More confident and inclined to stand by their beliefs
Effects of kinky Sex on Your Social Life
You may think that due to the stigma associated with it, kinky sex can negatively affect your relationships.
Although it’s true that some people try to make you feel embarrassed for what they consider to be perversions (our advice? Ditch them), kinky sex can actually step up your social environment.
3. Finding your community Have you ever thought to be alone and misunderstood due to your sexual taste and inclinations? Well, you most likely aren’t. Kinks are countless, but humans are a pretty big bunch too. There’s probably a community of like-minded people in your area who will be happy to play with you and even teach you the safest and most enjoyable ways to satisfy your desires. Once you find your kinky community, it’s likely that you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders and you can finally be yourself around others. Kinky communities are often the first accepting environment for individuals who have grown up discriminated for their sexual identity and taste. Not sure where to start? Try out online forums, swing and sex clubs, sex shops, and events like Pride. Remember: make sure you always feel safe and speak out/leave the moment you start feeling uncomfortable.
4. Better communication skills For better or for worse, people who want to explore their desires eventually need to talk about them — with their partner(s) or lover(s), for example. Being able to start a conversation that makes them feel uncomfortable is an invaluable skill. So is the ability to listen empathically and negotiate (for example, about the things/toys they want to experiment with.) As the peeps in the BDSM community will be able to tell you, kinky sex revolves around consent and care. Boundaries are clearly established and safety systems like safewords are in place to ensure that everyone has a great experience. Time and attention are dedicated to aftercare, the moment of transition between play and the return to daily life. All these communication skills can be easily transferred to other spheres of your life and will come in handy any time you have to deal or work with fellow human beings.
Positive Effects of Kinky Sex on Your Professional Life
Yes, it may be the first time you consider this but kinky sex can affect your work life for the better, even if your field is as far from the sex and porn industry as it can be.
Besides having a lively kinky community to have fun with after office hours and having refined your communication skills, once you start exploring your kinky side, there are other ways in which your brain will be trained to operate better.
5. Self-worth boost Exploring and accepting one’s sexual desires has been linked to better confidence and self-worth. Think about it: you’re no longer repressing a natural part of your personality, and if you’ve ever had them, long gone are the days when you felt shame. Confidence radiates from you even when you’re not trying to show it. By being at peace with this important part of your life, your sense of self-worth will affect other spheres too — including the workplace. You will stop wasting energy on disliking a part of yourself and focus on your goals instead.
6. Creativity boost Remember the mindfulness state we discussed earlier? It turns out that being able to shut out menial thoughts and worries works a treat for your creativity. It’s a bit like when you have a new, luminous idea while singing in the shower — the more relaxed and in the moment you are, the happier and faster your brain works. Kinky practitioners who are used to getting in the zone in bed report to be able to do the same at work too, tapping into their creativity more easily.
And you? Have you started noticing changes after acting on your kinks? Are there any benefits that we should add to the list? Let us know in the comment section on the very bottom of this page!
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