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Do you speak love?

How you tell your partner what you want

In love we understand each other blindly? Oh, yes, that would be wonderful. But no matter whether happy or in crisis, communication is and remains a difficult thing - especially when love is involved. Here you will learn how to express your wishes without hurting your partner.

About the courage to want more

In love, always saying what you think can cause a lot of heart pounding. But it's worth it, because an honest relationship usually lasts the longest and has the best chance of a long life together. However, if you do not dare to bring up the things you want in your relationship, this can lead to subliminal conflicts that can simmer for a long time and, over time, spark off a real fight. Psychologists even assume that suppressed conflicts can have a negative effect on your blood pressure, your immune system or the gastrointestinal tract.
And in the worst case, you end up suffering not only from a broken heart in terms of your health, but also emotionally, because you cannot be happy or your partner notices that you are missing something.

When things get serious in bed

Most of us know how to tell our partners to take out the trash or to take a little more time for us. But things are getting tricky in the bedroom. Because it is not always self-evident that two people immediately understand each other blindly here. We all have a history, are shaped by previous partners or develop other preferences over time.

But how do we tell our loved ones that we want more than the current program? This is where it gets really tricky, because sex is so intimate that it also makes us vulnerable. No matter what phase you are in your relationship, you must communicate gently and openly. Because that way you both will be happy and in case of doubt you will realize if you are sexually compatible. Whether you are just getting to know each other and you notice that you have different ideas in bed, or you are slowly changing your wishes in a relationship, these tips will help you to express your wishes lovingly.

1: Don't fall into bed with the handcuffs on

You want to try something different and you already know exactly what that is? Then please do not surprise your love directly in bed with the latest handcuffs, bondage accessories or toys. In the worst case, your counterpart has already had bad experiences with it, which you could not know anything about. Or he's so surprised that he's pulling away for now. So you should discuss everything you want to try out beforehand and not just go for it without knowing what attitude you will encounter.

Little tip: You want to integrate toys into your sex life and know that your counterpart is not averse? Then try to start off with a surprise bag or one of the many Christmas calendars. Especially men (but also some women) often think that they are not enough when toys are included. This fallacy can quickly lead to a dispute. But if you both don't know what to expect, it doesn't get too concrete yet and you approach the matter with the same surprise effect.

2: Match the right time

Many of us have a real talent for expressing our dissatisfaction at the most inopportune moments. In the argument about the weekend cleaning we suddenly remember that we are also dissatisfied in bed. Even though it may be true, you should keep a low profile in such situations. Because not only will you really hurt your partner with such a statement in a dispute - nothing will change.

So you better wait for a peaceful and intimate moment. Use another topic as an introduction so that you don't fall into the house with the door. This could be a movie, podcast or fictional conversation that your friends have told you about in their relationships. In a pleasant atmosphere between laughter and intimacy your partner will be much more open to your wishes.

3: Learn to ask, not to demand

Sex is something that both should enjoy. Everything you try out in bed should therefore both want and enjoy. So if you have a specific request, don't ask for it. Sentences like, "We should try this," or "I need this in bed." Putting pressure on your partner. Even though you may not mean it, he or she will quickly become afraid that your relationship is in danger if your wish is not fulfilled. Even hidden accusations have no place in this conversation. Tell your partner not what someone else should do, but what you could imagine.

4: Do not proceed from your level of knowledge

If you have perhaps been firmly anchored in a scene for years or love practices that are not always liked by others, you cannot expect quantum leaps from your partner. Especially if you have just got to know each other and do not yet know exactly what you like, you should proceed with caution.

Express your wishes, because this is important if you want to be happy. But don't drag your partner directly to parties or sessions if he or she is not ready for them. Say what exactly makes you happy in bed and then feel your way together step by step. That way you'll soon find out what he likes and what he doesn't like. And perhaps you will develop completely new preferences together, which you had no idea about.

5: Accept if it does not fit

You start the journey together and you notice that your partner is uncomfortable? Then you should talk about that, too. If he's only going along to do you a favor, in time you'll both be miserable. Because sex is only fun when there is a common ground. Even if you are sad that you both don't want the same thing, you must appreciate his openness. If you do not find a common denominator, you should then also think about your common future. Such disagreements do not always have to lead to a separation, but you should find a middle way that makes you both happy.

5: Be prepared for his wishes

What we quickly forget at the thought of a conversation in which we address our innermost desires: Our partner can also have such wishes. If you say what you want in bed, he or she has exactly the same right to it. Then do not shrink back, but be open for your counterpart. It will be all the more beautiful when you go on a journey together, in which you explore each other's preferences.

Honesty makes love

It is not easy to speak the language of love. With everything you say, you should always think about how it will resonate with your partner. But you should also by no means be afraid to express your wishes, fears and concerns. Because there is nothing better than a relationship in which you can talk openly and about everything. This starts with the wall paint, the washing up, the leisure time and does not end with the bedroom. Be brave and with a little luck you will not only win a lot of good sex, but also the big love.

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