Do you speak love?
How you tell your partner what you want
In love we understand each other blindly? Oh, yes, that would be wonderful. But no matter whether we are happy or in crisis, communication is and remains a difficult thing - especially when it comes to love. Here you learn how to express your wishes without hurting your partner.
About the courage to want more
In love, always saying what you think can cause a lot of heart palpitations. But it is worth it, because an honest relationship usually lasts the longest and has the best chance of a long life together. However, if you don't dare to bring up the things you want in your relationship, this can lead to subliminal conflicts which can simmer for a long time and in time can ignite into a real fight. Psychologists even believe that suppressed conflicts can have a negative effect on your blood pressure, your immune system or the gastrointestinal tract.
And in the worst case scenario, you end up suffering not only from a broken heart, but also from a broken heart, not only in terms of your health, but also emotionally, because you can't be happy or your partner notices that something is missing.
When things get serious in bed
Most of us know how we should tell our partners to take out the trash or take a little more time for us. But the bedroom is a tricky place. Because it is not always self-evident that two people understand each other blindly here. We all have a history, are influenced by previous partners or develop different preferences over time.
But how do we tell our loved ones that we want more than the current programme? This is where it gets really tricky, because sex is so intimate that it also makes us vulnerable. No matter what stage you are in your relationship, you need to communicate gently and openly. Because that way both of you will be happy and in case of doubt you will realize if you are sexually compatible. It doesn't matter whether you are just getting to know each other and you notice that you have different ideas in bed, or you are slowly changing your wishes in a relationship - these tips will help you to express your wishes lovingly.
1: Don't fall into bed with the handcuffs on
You want to try something different and you already know exactly what it should be? Then please do not surprise your love directly in bed with the latest handcuffs, bondage accessories or toys. In the worst case, your partner may have had bad experiences with them that you couldn't know anything about. Or he is so surprised that he withdraws at first. So you should discuss everything you want to try out beforehand and not just go for it without knowing what attitude you will encounter.
A little tip: You want to integrate toys into your sex life and know that your counterpart is not averse? Then try to start with a goody bag or one of the many Christmas calendars. Especially men (but also some women) often think that toys are not enough when they are included. This fallacy can quickly lead to arguments. However, if you both don't know what to expect, it doesn't become too concrete yet and you approach the matter with the same surprise effect.
2: Pick the right time
Many of us have a real talent for expressing our dissatisfaction at the most inopportune moments. In the argument over weekend cleaning, it suddenly occurs to us that we are also dissatisfied in bed. Even though it may be true, you should keep a low profile in such situations. Because not only will you really hurt your partner with such a statement in a dispute - nothing will change.
So it is better to wait for a peaceful and intimate moment. Use another topic as a starting point, so that you don't fall into the house with the door. This could be a film, podcast or fictional conversation that your friends have told you about in their relationships. In a pleasant atmosphere between laughter and intimacy your partner will be much more open to your wishes.
3: Learn to ask, not to want
Sex is something that both should enjoy. Everything you try out in bed should therefore be something both of you want and enjoy. So if you have a specific desire, don't ask for it. Sentences like, "We should try this," or "I need that in bed." Putting pressure on your partner. Even though you may not mean it, he or she will quickly become afraid that your relationship is in danger if your wish is not fulfilled. Even hidden accusations have no place in this conversation. Do not tell your partner what someone else should do, but what you could imagine.
4: Don't go from what you know
If you have perhaps been firmly anchored in a scene for years or love practices that are not always liked by others, you cannot expect your partner to make quantum leaps. Especially if you have only just met and do not know exactly what you like, you should proceed with caution.
Express your wishes, because this is important if you want to be happy. But don't drag your partner directly to parties or sessions if he or she is not ready for them. Say what exactly makes you happy in bed and then feel your way together step by step. That way you will quickly notice what he likes and what he doesn't like. And maybe you will develop completely new preferences together, which you never knew you had.
5: Accept if it does not fit
You start the journey together and you notice that your partner is uncomfortable? Then you should talk about that too. If he's only going along to do you a favour, you'll both be unhappy in time. Because sex is only fun when there is a common ground. Don't withdraw or make him feel guilty if it doesn't suit you, and even if you are sad that you both don't want the same thing, you must appreciate his openness. If you cannot find a common denominator, you should also think about your future together. Such disagreements do not always have to lead to a separation, but you should find a middle way that makes you both happy.
5: Be prepared for his wishes
What we quickly forget at the thought of a conversation in which we address our innermost desires: Our partner can also have such desires. If you say what you wish for in bed, he or she has exactly the same right to do so. Don't shrink back then, but be open for your partner. This makes it all the more wonderful when you embark on a journey together, in which you explore your preferences for each other.
Honesty makes love
It is not easy to speak the language of love. With everything you say, you should always think about how it will be received by your partner. But you should also by no means be afraid to express your wishes, fears and concerns. Because there is nothing better than a relationship in which you can talk openly and about everything. This begins with the wall paint, the washing up, the leisure time and does not end outside the bedroom. Be brave and with a little luck you will not only win a lot of good sex, but also the big love.
written by Julia Burghardt
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