ON KINKS, QUEERNESS AND FETISHES: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE AND HOW ARE THEY PERCEIVED?

Are you kinky, queer, or both? Learn about the confusion between these terms and how they affect the way we look at our sexuality.
What Is the Difference between Kinks and Fetishes?
Fetish: definition
What does having a kink mean?
How do you introduce a kink into a relationship?
- Go nice and slow: at first, it may be best to start with the lightest possible change to spice things up, and see how it’s received. You can then gradually ease into more adventurous stuff.
- Talking things through is also always a very good idea. After all, you’re a couple and honesty is important. Even though this is a big deal for you and a part of who you are, there’s no need to enter this discussion with fear.
- Remember that you’re talking to someone who loves you and who’s likely to support you. Smile during your conversation, and if you feel like it, remind them that you just want to explore new things together and you don’t think there’s anything wrong with them or their desires either. Maybe, they’ll even share a few sexual secrets too!
Is being Kinky the same as being Queer?

Queer vs Kinky: Identity and Sexual Desires
Some of the people who consider kinks to be queer focus on the fact that non-heteronormative sexualities lead the individual to go through the hard yet empowering process of exploring oneself, discovering and accepting one’s identity and orientation, and finding a place in a new community.
The Fetishization of the Queer Community
It’s not unusual for people to wonder ‘Is my partner gay?’ just because their significant other has opened up about their cross-dressing kink. If this thought seems harmless to you, consider the patriarchal values and beliefs it’s rooted in.
Kink and Pride
Even though identifying as kinky doesn’t per se also mean being queer (and vice versa), this doesn’t mean that the kinky and queer communities don’t overlap. They quite often do.
So I Like Kinky Sex/Have a Fetish: What Now?
1. Relax, you’re perfectly normal
There’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not a freak. If you enjoy non-vanilla, non-missionary sex, you’re still a person and you’re still worthy.
Fortunately, times are changing and in many places, kink-shaming isn’t so widespread. However, if anyone makes you feel uncomfortable about your sexual desires, remember that you can and should protect yourself. And that includes cutting them off.
Besides safety, respect, and consent, you don’t owe anything to others, especially the chance to make you feel humiliated (unless that’s part of your kink, of course).
2. Try new things
If you’ve realized that you enjoy kinky sex in general, there’s so much for you to explore. Incorporate new toys/situations/games in your sexual life to see what you like.
3. Find your community
Especially if you’re still not ready to talk about it with your friends/partner(s), know that there are plenty of people out there who share your passion.
4. Learn about safety practices
Some kinks and fetishes can be dangerous (think about erotic asphyxiation, for example). In these cases, it’s crucial that you take your time to learn how to practice them safely. That is also why having a supportive and consent-focused community is important.
How do you introduce a kink into a relationship?
Yup, that can be scary. Even more if, so far, you’ve only been very traditional in bed.
- Go nice and slow: at first, it may be best to start with the lightest possible change to spice things up, and see how it’s received. You can then gradually ease into more adventurous stuff.
- Talking things through is also always a very good idea. After all, you’re a couple and honesty is important. Even though this is a big deal for you and a part of who you are, there’s no need to enter this discussion with fear.
- Remember that you’re talking to someone who loves you and who’s likely to support you. Smile during your conversation, and if you feel like it, remind them that you just want to explore new things together and you don’t think there’s anything wrong with them or their desires either. Maybe, they’ll even share a few sexual secrets too!
What about you?
written by Bianca Fiore
SOURCES FOR THIS ARTICLE INCLUDE
https://www.thestranger.com/slog/2019/06/25/40577856/are-straight-kinksters-queer-and-does-kink-belong-at-pride
https://www.pinknews.co.uk/2020/06/15/pride-month-kink-fetish-parades-children-families-leather-rubber/
https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/Levi-s-head-leather-group-honored-on-World-6668501.php