With the rise of information about kink on the Internet, and even BDSM entering the mainstream, we see a lot more folks gaining access to the world of D/s dynamics – meaning dominant/submissive. However, along with this, also comes the apparent conflict between being a submissive woman in sex and being a feminist.
Thankfully, feminism today is on the rise, and many women identify themselves with the movement. However, a lot of misconceptions about kink can bring confusion. Pop culture staples such as 50 Shades of Grey bring problematic stigmas about the BDSM community into the mainstream and induce confusion about why women would choose to be submissive in bed while this contradicts the feminist ideology.
Not only that, but even feminists themselves seem to be conflicted, with many questioning their feminist stance due to their sexual preferences or repressing the desire to be submissive for not wanting to play a role that goes against their beliefs.
However, while on the surface this might seem like a contradiction, we will see that feminism and kink actually walk hand in hand – and that being a feminist submissive makes perfect sense! Come along for the ride!
What is feminism?
First things first, we must define what is feminism. Putting it simply, feminism is the idea of gender equality – that men and women are equal and therefore should have equal rights and treatment in society. And yes, this is a radical idea because for most of humanity’s history men and women were not considered equal in principle and women were seen as inferior. If that is changing now, it is thanks to the feminist movement.
The feminist movement fights to combat gender inequality. But there are different ideas of how that should be done. This is why the feminist movement is not a homogenous thing; but rather, there are different streams of thought; intersectional feminism, liberal feminism, radical feminism and so on.
Feminism and freedom of choice in sex
Sex is an important theme for feminists, because a lot of the oppression women suffer is rooted in sexual and reproductive power. There are different ideas about this within the movement, but in general, feminism fights for bodily autonomy and freedom of choice for women when it comes to sex.
Ultimately, feminism believes women should be the ones in charge of their own lives – and this includes what goes on inside the bedroom.
Feminist submissive or submissive feminist?
The root of the controversy – patriarchy and submission
Patriarchy has long used sex and reproduction as a tool to coerce and control women. So, this is why reenacting these same dynamics in bed can be such a sore topic.
Moreover, violence and sexual violence against women are real things feminists fiercely fight in the real world. And sometimes, these themes can be a part of the D/s dynamics – especially when talking about impact play, rape fantasies and so on.
For some, even the idea of calling a man a “master” and surrendering control during sex seems like giving in into something we should be fighting against.
And let’s point out; these concerns are legitimate, and if you don’t feel comfortable with the idea this is your absolute right. But for those women fond of being a sub, we are here to dive into why this is not something that washes away your activism.
Get inspired – being a feminist submissive
Erotica is a great way to get connected with kink. And when it’s written by women, it brings in a female perspective that can subjectify sexual fantasies and empower women. There are many authors out there who speak from their own experiences.
Another good way to get connected with the submissive world, is through erotic audios and audiobooks. Audiodesires is a platform that has partnered up with us before, and they have an amazing selection of stories catered especially to women’s fantasies of BDSM.
Yes, for the most part, pornography is catered to the male gaze. However, some platforms are committed to bringing women quality content that breaks taboos and puts women’s desires first. Erika Lust and Paulita Papel are some of the women producing female-friendly porn, and they have plenty of content around submission and kink to awaken the feminist submissive inside you!
So, there you have it – choosing to be submissive in the bedroom, especially within a heterosexual context, can make some women feel uneasy at first. But as long as it is consensual, and it’s about catering to their fantasies and needs, then it can be an incredibly powerful and liberating experience!
written by Pimenta Cítrica
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